Wednesday, June 4, 2014

Balita Columnist is a published Author - Naku Ha, June 2014

Being Left Behind is Painful

The stress is too much. The pressure is unbearable. Their constant need for attention is emotionally draining. I cannot take care of them. I have to let them go. Who can I pass them to that will give them the same attention that I do? I thought it would never happen.
I thought we were peas in a pod. We were going to travel the same road all the way. My friend took that road before. A road that I never thought my friend would travel again.  
But then, it happened. An engagement was announced by my friend. Marriage is definitely in the plan. Now, all these women are coming to me and I cannot take care of all of them. I have to let some of them go. Obviously, they are heartbroken. Who wouldn’t be? Can you blame them? Oh, the horror. And now, the stress, the pressure on me, of now being the world’s number one and most eligible bachelor. Why did you do it George Clooney? Why did you leave our single men’s club?  

How to solve a problem like Rob Ford? 

Incumbent Mayor and candidate for re-election Rob Ford is seen in a new video smoking crack and “will take a break.” To do what, I do not know. That video is nothing new. We already know he smokes crack. We know he hangs out with gangsters. This is what makes Rob Ford untouchable. He has no goody-goody image to uphold unlike Olivia Chow, who willingly poses with a laughable showman called Iron Sheik who then posts racist and derogatory remarks against other race and women. Chow then apologizes for posing with him. 
Rob Ford is the Marion Barry of Toronto. Remember, him? He was the Washington DC Mayor who went to prison for a cocaine conviction of some kind. When he got out, he ran for Mayor again and still won handily. 
There are those who say people are afraid to come to Toronto because of Rob Ford. Get real. With news about Detroit bankrupt and boarded-up houses, abandoned buildings, I would not want to visit Detroit even if Mother Theresa was running it, if she was still alive. People do not visit Toronto because they have never heard of Toronto. I’d still visit Paris, New York, or London even if someone like Rob Ford was running it. 
So, he’ll take a break from the election. Good luck to the remaining candidates who have to come up with something to grab people’s attention until October. When Rob Ford returns, he might be a bigger news even without a new idea like the others. 
Hmmm... how do you solve a problem like Rob Ford?

Our Solution to Rob Ford
A porn star who wants to create a national day for ‘self pleasure’ is standing as a candidate in the Toronto mayoral race. X-rated starlet Nikki Benz announced she wanted to stand for mayor, amid news that Rob Ford had taken a break from his election campaign to treat his substance abuse. She has already used a cheeky video to tell would-be voters about her policies, including her idea to turn Toronto’s light rail into a ‘Brazzers Pleasure Rail,’ complete with vibrating seats for women and sex toys for men. 
She says she would also start a National Masturbation Month, which would include a day’s national holiday to celebrate ‘self pleasure’.
Benz, who is backed by her porn company employers Brazzers, has not yet filed her official nomination but has vowed to do so on May 28  - National Masturbation Day. 
Damn, I missed that.
She gets my vote.

Singing Contest & Janet Napoles

Philippine Justice Secretary de Lima is refusing to release the affidavit of Janet Napoles. Pork barrel mastermind Janet Napoles wrote everything down. According to de Lima, the affidavit is not yet finished. But Napoles and her husband already gave copies to senator Ping Lacson and to the chairman of Manila Times. So, what is not finished yet, the sanitized version? 
This is starting to remind me of some Toronto singing contest. A singing contest took longer to compute. Almost as long as Napoles to write the affidavit, if it is really not finished yet. In fact, Andy, a non-Filipino host already asked if they can get the results before the rental for the Korean Cultural Centre goes into overtime. And just like the pork barrel case, nobody wants to release what the judges wrote with their names on it because the “promoters” have to protect the judges. Hmmm….
I have watched the CNE singing contest for 3 years now and the judges always give their notes to the parents. And none of them have been killed yet. 

Balita Columnist is a Published Author

Not a lot know this but it turns out that Balita Columnist Romeo Marquez is a published author. I am impressed. Does anyone have a copy of his book? Does anyone know where it is being sold? I’d like to read the salacious details. I wonder if it’s as racy as Penthouse Forum.

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